Hurt People … hurt People
by Carmen Westbrook
There is a popular cultural saying that “hurt people hurt people.” We have movies extolling this (think Wicked), stories full of glamour and heartache. The moral is that we are to feel sorry for the hurt people (or the wicked), as it’s not their fault that they are the way they are. It’s really, actually, our fault (or our parent’s fault) for being mean to them. And so, the lesson is that it is our responsibility to be better and help them to get better
Yet guilt, of course, is not the true lesson. The true lesson is that, despite being hurt in this world, it is our own responsibility to not choose wickedness. We have the responsibility to not hurt in retaliation; we do not have the responsibility to make other people not hurt. We are saddened by people that choose wickedness. We pray for them and love them. But it is not our fault that they chose to be wicked, it is truly their own.
It is understandable to feel empathy for those that have been hurt, because indeed, we have all been hurt. Every person has the ability to choose good, and has many role models to help them do so (think teachers and principals). If they choose not to do so, that is indeed their choice, just as it is ours.
So do not, my friends, teach children to feel guilty about wicked people. Do not teach them that it is their responsibility to fix them, or, even more, for the wicked to fix us. We are not to accept their wickedness because “it’s not their fault, they were just hurt in the past.” Do not teach them that these hurt people, indeed, might actually be good and doing good for our society (the tale of Wicked), so we should listen to the wicked. That is a lie. Antisocial behavior is antisocial. The benefit of Oz is that it teaches children that once they are courageous, thoughtful, and kind, they will realize that the secret to being an adult is to not be afraid of the power that courage, kindness, and thoughtfulness brings. And that, of course, once they have this secret, it is their job to confront and defeat the wicked in this world, in whatever way they have been called. These are the truths to teach our children. Teach them to continue to choose good, and to forgive. But do not teach them to feel guilty for the hurts that others choose to propagate instead of to forgive. For that, my friends, is how lies are spread, and wickedness wins.